Series: The Journey of a Deployment: Perspective of the one that stays awaiting. (English)
EET
I was holding onto your chest like you were my life saver. I was able to feel your heart beating, maybe it was mine, your sweet breath on my face, your sweat on your skin under that hot sun that was burning us.
Quiet, the two of us, looking into our eyes without saying much, I felt sad. We knew what was coming. You holding on so strong, secure, so manly, giving me all the strength necessary not to melt into tears.
“Baby, I’ll be back for you. Te quiero mucho. You are the best thing that happened to me this year.” I couldn’t hold my tears. I let them flow down my face. You, with your fingers, swept the tears away. Even at that moment, before saying, “see you soon”, I felt your care, I felt loved.
You walked me to our car, and because I didn’t want to see you go in a sad note, I said to you, “Let me know about all the crazy adventures I’m sure you will do for the fun of it, while you’re there.” Your response was your awesome smile and “I will”. I turn my face to the front of the car; I didn’t have the guts to see you walking thru the gate. I slowly drove the car, and I left.
Driving to the house I was thinking of all the happiness you have brought to my life. The good moments, the funny moments, the romance, the passion, oh boy, I was smiling, and trying very hard not to cry. I decided to put the volume up and there was your favorite radio station, rock. While the music was playing I continue with the images of our time together, I was able to feel happy, but I knew that at any given moment, I had to deal with the fact that you will be away for a while, but I refused to do so, not now. I arrived at the house.
I slowly pulled over inside the garage, the memory of our first talk that early morning we decided to share all the major things of our lives, was still present. I was once again there, but without you while the rock songs continued playing. I decided to smoke a cigarette and I discovered you forgot your new lighter and I also found one with the scorpio sign, I took it, smiled and lighted the cigarette but at this particular moment I was unable to hold the sadness that wanted to come out. I put down the cigarette and I came out of the car in a slow motion and my tears started to come out.
There was my friend, Nat, who knew more about this situation, there she was looking into my eyes like telling me, I know exactly what you are feeling and I’m with you. I decided to hold my feelings once again; I didn’t want to drag Nat into it just because she was going through the same thing with her loved one.
We walked together inside the house with T’s mom as a supporter. I said very loud, well, we can’t be sad; we need to do something about it. We decided to buy food and eat at home.
Later that night, no one wanted to go to sleep waiting for some news about your and T’s journey. You guys called, that made us smile and feel better. We decided to have a drink to calm down, tequila, wine and rum was in the menu. At midnight I was so exhausted that I crashed on the sofa with my cell phone next to my face. I must have felt asleep immediately.
Six o’clock in the morning, I was up, and facing the fact you were gone, it hurt again. I opened my cell and there was a missed call, I was so mad I didn’t hear it, there was your voice telling me, “Hey, baby no mas te hable para decirte que te quiero mucho y estoy aqui en Maine so te hablo cuando llegue a Iraq, y asi hablamos mas, okay mi amor, te quiero mucho, bye”. [Hey, baby I just called to say te quiero a lot and I’m here in Maine, so, I’ll talk to you when I arrive in Iraq, and in that way we’ll talk more, okay, my love, te quiero mucho.] I felt how much you care for me, I felt you so close to me, I smile but my eyes were full of tears. I took a deep breath.
I walked to the bathroom to take a shower and while I was doing that I was thinking about how my life will be now that you are gone. I started to dress up, everything seemed to be in slow motion and I had to concentrate on what will be the next step, what I have to do, where I need to go, and I just prepared for the first day without you…
EETI was holding onto your chest like you were my life saver. I was able to feel your heart beating, maybe it was mine, your sweet breath on my face, your sweat on your skin under that hot sun that was burning us.
Quiet, the two of us, looking into our eyes without saying much, I felt sad. We knew what was coming. You holding on so strong, secure, so manly, giving me all the strength necessary not to melt into tears.
“Baby, I’ll be back for you. Te quiero mucho. You are the best thing that happened to me this year.” I couldn’t hold my tears. I let them flow down my face. You, with your fingers, swept the tears away. Even at that moment, before saying, “see you soon”, I felt your care, I felt loved.
You walked me to our car, and because I didn’t want to see you go in a sad note, I said to you, “Let me know about all the crazy adventures I’m sure you will do for the fun of it, while you’re there.” Your response was your awesome smile and “I will”. I turn my face to the front of the car; I didn’t have the guts to see you walking thru the gate. I slowly drove the car, and I left.
Driving to the house I was thinking of all the happiness you have brought to my life. The good moments, the funny moments, the romance, the passion, oh boy, I was smiling, and trying very hard not to cry. I decided to put the volume up and there was your favorite radio station, rock. While the music was playing I continue with the images of our time together, I was able to feel happy, but I knew that at any given moment, I had to deal with the fact that you will be away for a while, but I refused to do so, not now. I arrived at the house.
I slowly pulled over inside the garage, the memory of our first talk that early morning we decided to share all the major things of our lives, was still present. I was once again there, but without you while the rock songs continued playing. I decided to smoke a cigarette and I discovered you forgot your new lighter and I also found one with the scorpio sign, I took it, smiled and lighted the cigarette but at this particular moment I was unable to hold the sadness that wanted to come out. I put down the cigarette and I came out of the car in a slow motion and my tears started to come out.
There was my friend, Nat, who knew more about this situation, there she was looking into my eyes like telling me, I know exactly what you are feeling and I’m with you. I decided to hold my feelings once again; I didn’t want to drag Nat into it just because she was going through the same thing with her loved one.
We walked together inside the house with T’s mom as a supporter. I said very loud, well, we can’t be sad; we need to do something about it. We decided to buy food and eat at home.
Later that night, no one wanted to go to sleep waiting for some news about your and T’s journey. You guys called, that made us smile and feel better. We decided to have a drink to calm down, tequila, wine and rum was in the menu. At midnight I was so exhausted that I crashed on the sofa with my cell phone next to my face. I must have felt asleep immediately.
Six o’clock in the morning, I was up, and facing the fact you were gone, it hurt again. I opened my cell and there was a missed call, I was so mad I didn’t hear it, there was your voice telling me, “Hey, baby no mas te hable para decirte que te quiero mucho y estoy aqui en Maine so te hablo cuando llegue a Iraq, y asi hablamos mas, okay mi amor, te quiero mucho, bye”. [Hey, baby I just called to say te quiero a lot and I’m here in Maine, so, I’ll talk to you when I arrive in Iraq, and in that way we’ll talk more, okay, my love, te quiero mucho.] I felt how much you care for me, I felt you so close to me, I smile but my eyes were full of tears. I took a deep breath.
I walked to the bathroom to take a shower and while I was doing that I was thinking about how my life will be now that you are gone. I started to dress up, everything seemed to be in slow motion and I had to concentrate on what will be the next step, what I have to do, where I need to go, and I just prepared for the first day without you…
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