If you don't have something good to say, shut up! (English)

Office Stories

Tip for UDo not make any comments about your co-workers if you are the new employee.
Get to know your surroundings.Based on a true story:
During a Christmas celebration at this office in downtown Boston.

New employee #1: Look at that bitch. She is so ridiculous, kissing that child and running behind him when that is not even hers. She must like the father, he works here too.

New employee #2: Yeah! She must not just like him, but she must be fooling around with him.

New employee#1: That’s for sure girl. They are messing around because instead of been working she is just taking care of his boy.

The boss that over heard the conversation said:
Boss: That over there kissing that boy is Suzzy, and yes, she was fooling around with the boy's father, Miguel, so bad that she gave birth to their only child, the boy she is playing with. Welcome to our office, happy holidays.

Taking a look at the face of the new employee PRICELESS.

Religious Jokes (English)

A pastor went out one Saturday to visit his church members. At one house, it was obvious that someone was home, but nobody came to the door even though the pastor knocked several times.

Finally, the pastor took out his card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back of it, and stuck it in the door. Revelation 3:20 -- "Behold, I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and dine with him, and he with me."

The next day, the card turned up in the collection plate. Below the pastor's message was the notation "Genesis 3:10." Genesis 3:10 -- "I heard your voice in the garden, and I was afraid because I was naked; and I hid myself."

A Criminal Justice Joke

DURING A TRIAL IN A SMALL TOWN IN PUERTO RICO,
THE PROSECUTING ATTORNEY CALLED HIS FIRST WITNESS,
AN ELDERLY PUERTO RICAN ABUELITA TO THE STAND.
HE APPROACHED HER AND ASKED, "SEñORA SANCHEZ, DO YOU KNOW ME?"

SHE RESPONDED, "SI, I KNOW YOU MR. WILLIAMS. I KNOW YOU SINCE YOU WERE A MOCOSO PENDEJO, AND FRANKLY YOU'VE BEEN A BIG DISAPPOINTMENT TO ME, TO YOUR FAMILY AND TO YOUR COMMUNITY. YOU LIE, YOU CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE, AND YOU MANIPULATE PEOPLE, AND YOU THINK YOU'RE A BIG SHOT WHEN YOU ARE NADA, PURA BASURA. YES, I KNOW YOU BABOSO."

THE LAWYER WAS STUNNED, NOT KNOWING WHAT ELSE TO DO, HE POINTED ACROSS THE ROOM AND ASKED, MRS. SANCHEZ, "DO YOU KNOW THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY?" AGAIN SHE REPLIED, "CLARO QUE SI. I'VE KNOWN MR. RODRIGUEZ SINCE HE WAS A MOCOSO TRAVIESO TOO. HE'S A LAZY PUTO, AND HE HAS A DRINKING PROBLEM. HE CAN'T KEEP A NORMAL RELATIONSHIP WITH NOBODY, AND HE IS THE MOST PENDEJO LAWYER IN THE STATE. NOT TO MENTION HE CHEATED ON HIS WIFE WITH THREE DIFFERENT PUTAS. ONE OF THEM WAS YOUR WIFE! YOU REMEMBER? I KNOW MR. RODRIGUEZ; HIS MAMA IS NOT PROUD OF HIM TAMBIEN."  THE DEFENSE ATTORNEY ALMOST DIED.

THE JUDGE THEN ASKED BOTH COUNSELORS TO APPROACH THE BENCH, AND IN A VERY QUIET DEADLY CALM VOICE SAID, "IF EITHER OF YOU CABRONES ASKS HER IF SHE KNOWS ME, I'LL SEND YOU BOTH TO THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.
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